So in part 1 we talked about not having sex before marriage. In part 2 we are going to talk about what happens if we have already chosen to have sex before marriage. Can we be forgiven? Can we start over? Can we still be the person God wants us to be? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I always believe that a person can not teach what they do not know. Therefore I will tell you another story. Remember how I told you about my husband and how he saved himself for his wife even though he was never taught the importance of doing it because it was what God asked of us?
A week after we started dating I knew I was going to marry him. I knew with every fiber of my being and I also knew that if I was going to marry him I needed him to know everything about me. Even the bad. I remember calling him at 10:30 one night and telling him that I was driving the 30 miles to his house because I needed to talk to him. I remember the look on his face as he opened the door to this crazy girl that he had only been dating a week. I remember sitting on the couch in his living room and being scared to death that when he heard what I had to say that he would not want to be with me. I felt ashamed. I felt fear. I felt very lonely. We sat down and I looked at him. The first thing I told him was that I was going to marry him. I told him I knew from our first date that I would and now I needed him to know! I went on to tell him that I needed him to know something before we went any further because this could be a game changer and I couldn't bear to fall anymore in love with him if this made a difference. "I am not a virgin" I finally said as I cringed thinking I had just ruined it. That this amazing man would not want me because I had not saved myself for him. The next thing that came out of his mouth sealed the deal for me that I would marry him. He said "Have you had sex with someone this week? If not then it doesn't matter." I cried. I cried that big ugly cry.
So now that I have shared that story I will share my story.
I remember it being so important to me to wait. There were several opportunities that I could have given in and chose not to for reasons I explained in part 1. Yet, as humans, sometimes we give in when we feel we can fight the battle no more. For my own personal reasons I won't go into detail, but I do want you to know that I did have sex before I was married. 1 time. It was awful. I remember as soon as it was over, crying (the big ugly cry) because for so long I had told myself I would wait. Sometimes though the devil can use others to dig at us in areas that we feel strongest in and we cave. I take full responsibility in it. No one forced me. No one made me do it. I allowed him to convince me it was what I wanted and as soon as it was over I felt a guilt like I had never felt. At first I was sad. I cried for hours. Then the sadness turned to anger. I became angry at myself for allowing it to happen and I became angry with him for pressuring me. It wasn't sexy. It wasn't beautiful. It was awkward and painful. For months after I felt guilty. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I do believe however that God used that sin for good. It helped me to grow closer to God. I clinged to him because I knew that even when men disappoint you, God does not. I began to pray for forgiveness from God and from myself. I knew it would be easy for God to forgive me and I also knew it would be incredibly hard for me to forgive myself. You see I think that is what is missing from a lot of youth these days. That desire to want to please God. Think about the person in the world you most want to please. Why is that not God? Isn't he the one we should strive to please? Don't you think if we lived in a world where everyone felt guilty when they sinned and strived to better please God we would live in a much better world?
I want you to know how hard it is for me to share that story. I knew when I started this blog I wanted to use it as a teaching tool and to help youth of today to strive to live more Christian lives. I also know that we make mistakes as humans and just like I think it is important that my children know I make mistakes and am not perfect, my youth group and other kids I teach need to know that I am not perfect. I've made mistakes just like your youth minister and parents. And we've learned from these mistakes and God uses us to try and help you not make the mistakes we made. Let's say though that you have already made this mistake. Where do you go from here?
First of all know God forgives you. He forgave you the very first time you asked for forgiveness.
Second of all you need to forgive yourself. This is the harder part. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves. You have to do it though. You will never learn to love others and forgive others if you don't first love and forgive yourself.
Third you need to strive to stay away from opportunities that will make it happen again. God is very clear on how he feels about sex. He believes it is only in the relationship of marriage. Not 2 people on a date, not 2 people dating, not 2 people living together, not 2 people who are married in the eyes of the state after living together for 7 years, not 3 or 4 or 8 or 12 people that decide they can't control themselves and need to have some fun. No matter how you justify it in your mind sex outside of marriage is wrong according to God and according to the Bible and if you are a Christian you need to be following those rules.
Think about it. Self control is connected to words like:
Self discipline
balance
constraint
stability
The opposite of self control is words like:
instability
wild
disoriented
unstable
Which list do you want to associate yourself with? You are not an animal. You are not naturally out of control. We are naturally programmed to want to please and honor God. It's in all of us because we were formed in his image. When we go against his word we are going against what is natural. Sin is not natural. Sin is a learned behavior. We live in a world that teaches us to give in to the desires of the flesh, but that's where self control comes in. Will we make mistakes? Absolutely. Can we be forgiven? Absolutely. We have to make sure though that we are working at making strides to be better. I heard a quote the other day that I loved. "The only person we need to try and be better than is the person we were yesterday."
When we make mistakes we repent and move on to do better. No matter if we've had sex once outside of marriage or if we have been in a relationship for 6 years having sex with the same person. It's still wrong. What are you doing to make yourself more of a child of God? Are you striving to be your best or are you giving in to the desires of the flesh? I pray that God will touch each heart of every person reading this that you will strive to be the best child of God that you can be and not sell yourself short. You are capable of having self control. You are capable of waiting. You are capable of being the person God wants you to be.
God Bless.
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