Are you freaking out yet? Are you dying to know what this blog is about seeing the title?????
Well it's exactly what the title says. We are going to talk about sex. As I was trying to figure out what to do my next blog on I came across 8 different posts/articles in 24 hours that had to do with America and our tolerance with teen/unmarried sex. We are now being presented with articles on facebook and other social media that encourage us to be open to the idea of bringing our son or daughters date over for dinner with the family before allowing them to go up into the bedroom to have sex. Or we should be more like the Danish who have always been very forward thinking about sex in allowing their children to have their boyfriend or girlfriend over to spend the night so that they can have sex in a comfortable bed instead of "stuffy" Americans making their children hide and do it in the back of a car. Just a minute.
Hopefully parents are talking to their kids at a younger age about sex because honestly kids are so much younger learning about sex these days. I don't really remember my parents sitting me down and having a sex talk with me. I really don't remember ever talking to my parents about sex. I do however remember knowing that it was important that I wait until I was married because that was what God expected of me. It's ok to roll your eyes, because obviously that is about as close to the Christian answer as you can get, but it's the truth. It wasn't fear of getting pregnant or getting a disease, it wasn't disappointing my parents or getting my heart broken. It was simply that is what God told us to do.
I have already been talking to my 9 year old about sex. I had not planned on going into MAJOR detail until about 6 months ago when she came home from a friends house and said that her friend was doing things with her Barbie and Ken and that she wasn't sure what was going on. Her friend was a year older than she was, but I was shocked at the things that she told Anna Lois. She told her "Boys go crazy when girls take their clothes off slowly" among other things. That brought about a whole slew of questions I wasn't quite ready to answer, but was able to stumble through. I have been telling her for a long time that sex is for a husband and wife that are MARRIED. I tell her that God tells us not to have sex unless we are MARRIED. I tell her that sex is a great thing for 2 people that are MARRIED. You see I don't want to be one of those parents that tells my child that sex is bad or that you are going to hell if you have sex out of marriage. I want them to understand the importance of waiting because it is what God expects of us. And what gets under my skin is that we live in a world that thinks we are incapable of controlling ourselves and think it's unfair to ask us to only "be" with 1 person our entire lives. Like God told us to.
We are taught to have self control in LOTS of areas of our lives. If we don't control our eating we will get fat. If we don't control our desire of having more than we can afford we can go into debt or even go as far as becoming a thief. If we don't control our mouth we can say things we shouldn't say. If we don't control our anger we can hurt others. As parents we teach our children these things so that they don't end up in the hospital or in prison. Why if we expect our children to have control in these areas do we not think we can teach them control sexually? Why as a teenager can you control your eating so you can fit in that dress, or your mouth so you don't get into a fight, but can't control your sexual desires? Really... think about it. Now obviously society says that since I am a woman that I can't possibly understand how hard it is for a male to control himself because woman aren't as sexual as men. But just in case I have a boy or 2 reading this OR for girls to understand that boys can control themselves no matter what they may say let me tell you a story.
A young man grew up in home where he wasn't taken to church on a regular basis. The family went to church on Christmas and Easter and that was about it. He grew up in a home where his parents didn't talk about purity or waiting. When he graduated from High School he went into the army and was exposed to lots of drinking and women. When he got out of the army he dated some women as he attended college. On May 31st, 2003 he married his college sweetheart at the age of 24 and married her as a virgin. This man that had no reason to save himself. A man that wasn't brought up in a church or home that taught him the importance of saving himself for his wife because that is what God expected of him. He had no reason. Yet, he did. He saved himself for his wife. He had self control for 24 years and 54 days. I am extremely blessed because that man is my husband. I tell you that story because I don't believe it's in our nature to have several sexual partners or that we can't control ourselves because my husband who was never taught sex was wrong before marriage..... WAITED.
So I decided to look up the definition of Sexual Immorality. Are you ready?
"The evil ascribed to sexual acts that violate social conventions."
Well if we are going on social conventions we are in big trouble because our society has no moral values when it comes to sex. Why don't we see what God has to say about it?
16So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
17For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. Or you do not do what you want.
18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
19The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:18 -
Don't be immoral in matters of sex. That is a sin against your own body in a way that no other sin is.
I Corinthians 7:1
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Paul encourages us not to marry because he wants us to focus on our relationship with God, but then he also gives us God's permission that if we can't control our sexual desires then we should marry so that we may honor God in the act. God blesses marriages and blesses the need in a man and woman who express themselves sexually as a married couple.
You may think I am old school or not up with the times, but the truth is that when you add sex outside of marriage into your life you are adding a whole mess of problems. Potential STD's, diseases, pregnancy or pregnancy scares, hurt, confusion, and most of all disobedience of God. I am not saying sex is bad. I am not saying it is evil. I am saying it is a gift from God that was given to a husband and wife and what greater gift to give your future husband or wife than to be able to tell them "I had self control and respect for you enough to wait for you."
I am going to bring this part 1 to a conclusion. I will do a part 2 to this series because next we need to talk about what happens if we have already made the decision to have sex outside of marriage. What next?