Let's talk about Sex..... Part 2







So in part 1 we talked about not having sex before marriage. In part 2 we are going to talk about what happens if we have already chosen to have sex before marriage. Can we be forgiven? Can we start over? Can we still be the person God wants us to be? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I always believe that a person can not teach what they do not know. Therefore I will tell you another story. Remember how I told you about my husband and how he saved himself for his wife even though he was never taught the importance of doing it because it was what God asked of us?

A week after we started dating I knew I was going to marry him. I knew with every fiber of my being and I also knew that if I was going to marry him I needed him to know everything about me. Even the bad. I remember calling him at 10:30 one night and telling him that I was driving the 30 miles to his house because I needed to talk to him. I remember the look on his face as he opened the door to this crazy girl that he had only been dating a week. I remember sitting on the couch in his living room and being scared to death that when he heard what I had to say that he would not want to be with me. I felt ashamed. I felt fear. I felt very lonely. We sat down and I looked at him. The first thing I told him was that I was going to marry him. I told him I knew from our first date that I would and now I needed him to know! I went on to tell him that I needed him to know something before we went any further because this could be a game changer and I couldn't bear to fall anymore in love with him if this made a difference. "I am not a virgin" I finally said as I cringed thinking I had just ruined it. That this amazing man would not want me because I had not saved myself for him. The next thing that came out of his mouth sealed the deal for me that I would marry him. He said "Have you had sex with someone this week? If not then it doesn't matter." I cried. I cried that big ugly cry.















So now that I have shared that story I will share my story.
I remember it being so important to me to wait. There were several opportunities that I could have given in and chose not to for reasons I explained in part 1. Yet, as humans, sometimes we give in when we feel we can fight the battle no more. For my own personal reasons I won't go into detail, but I do want you to know that I did have sex before I was married. 1 time. It was awful. I remember as soon as it was over, crying (the big ugly cry) because for so long I had told myself I would wait. Sometimes though the devil can use others to dig at us in areas that we feel strongest in and we cave. I take full responsibility in it. No one forced me. No one made me do it. I allowed him to convince me it was what I wanted and as soon as it was over I felt a guilt like I had never felt. At first I was sad. I cried for hours. Then the sadness turned to anger. I became angry at myself for allowing it to happen and I became angry with him for pressuring me. It wasn't sexy. It wasn't beautiful. It was awkward and painful. For months after I felt guilty. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I do believe however that God used that sin for good. It helped me to grow closer to God. I clinged to him because I knew that even when men disappoint you, God does not. I began to pray for forgiveness from God and from myself. I knew it would be easy for God to forgive me and I also knew it would be incredibly hard for me to forgive myself.  You see I think that is what is missing from a lot of youth these days. That desire to want to please God. Think about the person in the world you most want to please. Why is that not God? Isn't he the one we should strive to please? Don't you think if we lived in a world where everyone felt guilty when they sinned and strived to better please God we would live in a much better world?

I want you to know how hard it is for me to share that story. I knew when I started this blog I wanted to use it as a teaching tool and to help youth of today to strive to live more Christian lives. I also know that we make mistakes as humans and just like I think it is important that my children know I make mistakes and am not perfect, my youth group and other kids I teach need to know that I am not perfect. I've made mistakes just like your youth minister and parents. And we've learned from these mistakes and God uses us to try and help you not make the mistakes we made. Let's say though that you have already made this mistake. Where do you go from here?

First of all know God forgives you. He forgave you the very first time you asked for forgiveness.
Second of all you need to forgive yourself. This is the harder part. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves. You have to do it though. You will never learn to love others and forgive others if you don't first love and forgive yourself.
Third you need to strive to stay away from opportunities that will make it happen again. God is very clear on how he feels about sex. He believes it is only in the relationship of marriage. Not 2 people on a date, not 2 people dating, not 2 people living together, not 2 people who are married in the eyes of the state after living together for 7 years, not 3 or 4 or 8 or 12 people that decide they can't control themselves and need to have some fun. No matter how you justify it in your mind sex outside of marriage is wrong according to God and according to the Bible and if you are a Christian you need to be following those rules.

Think about it. Self control is connected to words like:
Self discipline
balance
constraint
stability





The opposite of self control is words like:
instability
wild
disoriented
unstable

Which list do you want to associate yourself with? You are not an animal. You are not naturally out of control. We are naturally programmed to want to please and honor God. It's in all of us because we were formed in his image. When we go against his word we are going against what is natural. Sin is not natural. Sin is a learned behavior. We live in a world that teaches us to give in to the desires of the flesh, but that's where self control comes in. Will we make mistakes? Absolutely. Can we be forgiven? Absolutely. We have to make sure though that we are working at making strides to be better. I heard a quote the other day that I loved. "The only person we need to try and be better than is the person we were yesterday."

When we make mistakes we repent and move on to do better. No matter if we've had sex once outside of marriage or if we have been in a relationship for 6 years having sex with the same person. It's still wrong. What are you doing to make yourself more of a child of God? Are you striving to be your best or are you giving in to the desires of the flesh? I pray that God will touch each heart of every person reading this that you will strive to be the best child of God that you can be and not sell yourself short. You are capable of having self control. You are capable of waiting. You are capable of being the person God wants you to be.
God Bless.

Let's talk about Sex...... part 1

 



Are you freaking out yet? Are you dying to know what this blog is about seeing the title?????
Well it's exactly what the title says. We are going to talk about sex. As I was trying to figure out what to do my next blog on I came across 8 different posts/articles in 24 hours that had to do with America and our tolerance with teen/unmarried sex. We are now being presented with articles on facebook and other social media that encourage us to be open to the idea of bringing our son or daughters date over for dinner with the family before allowing them to go up into the bedroom to have sex. Or we should be more like the Danish who have always been very forward thinking about sex in allowing their children to have their boyfriend or girlfriend over to spend the night so that they can have sex in a comfortable bed instead of "stuffy" Americans making their children hide and do it in the back of a car. Just a minute.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully parents are talking to their kids at a younger age about sex because honestly kids are so much younger learning about sex these days. I don't really remember my parents sitting me down and having a sex talk with me. I really don't remember ever talking to my parents about sex. I do however remember knowing that it was important that I wait until I was married because that was what God expected of me. It's ok to roll your eyes, because obviously that is about as close to the Christian answer as you can get, but it's the truth. It wasn't fear of getting pregnant or getting a disease, it wasn't disappointing my parents or getting my heart broken. It was simply that is what God told us to do.

 



I have already been talking to my 9 year old about sex. I had not planned on going into MAJOR detail until about 6 months ago when she came home from a friends house and said that her friend was doing things with her Barbie and Ken and that she wasn't sure what was going on. Her friend was a year older than she was, but I was shocked at the things that she told Anna Lois. She told her "Boys go crazy when girls take their clothes off slowly" among other things. That brought about a whole slew of questions I wasn't quite ready to answer, but was able to stumble through.  I have been telling her for a long time that sex is for a husband and wife that are MARRIED. I tell her that God tells us not to have sex unless we are MARRIED. I tell her that sex is a great thing for 2 people that are MARRIED. You see I don't want to be one of those parents that  tells my child that sex is bad or that you are going to hell if you have sex out of marriage. I want them to understand the importance of waiting because it is what God expects of us. And what gets under my skin is that we live in a world that thinks we are incapable of controlling ourselves and think it's unfair to ask us to only "be" with 1 person our entire lives. Like God told us to.

We are taught to have self control in LOTS of areas of our lives. If we don't control our eating we will get fat. If we don't control our desire of having more than we can afford we can go into debt or even go as far as becoming a thief. If we don't control our mouth we can say things we shouldn't say. If we don't control our anger we can hurt others. As parents we teach our children these things so that they don't end up in the hospital or in prison. Why if we expect our children to have control in these areas do we not think we can teach them control sexually? Why as a teenager can you control your eating so you can fit in that dress, or your mouth so you don't get into a fight, but can't control your sexual desires? Really... think about it. Now obviously society says that since I am a woman that I can't possibly understand how hard it is for a male to control himself because woman aren't as sexual as men. But just in case I have a boy or 2 reading this OR for girls to understand that boys can control themselves no matter what they may say let me tell you a story.



A young man grew up in home where he wasn't taken to church on a regular basis. The family went to church on Christmas and Easter and that was about it. He grew up in a home where his parents didn't talk about purity or waiting. When he graduated from High School he went into the army and was exposed to lots of drinking and women. When he got out of the army he dated some women as he attended college. On May 31st, 2003 he married his college sweetheart at the age of 24 and married her as a virgin. This man that had no reason to save himself. A man that wasn't brought up in a church or home that taught him the importance of saving himself for his wife because that is what God expected of him. He had no reason. Yet, he did. He saved himself for his wife. He had self control for 24 years and 54 days. I am extremely blessed because that man is my husband.  I tell you that story because I don't believe it's in our nature to have several sexual partners or that we can't control ourselves because my husband who was never taught sex was wrong before marriage..... WAITED.

So I decided to look up the definition of Sexual Immorality. Are you ready?
"The evil ascribed to sexual acts that violate social conventions."
Well if we are going on social conventions we are in big trouble because our society has no moral values when it comes to sex. Why don't we see what God has to say about it?

Galatians 5:16-
16So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
17For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. Or you do not do what you want.
18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

 

1 Corinthians 6:18 - 

Don't be immoral in matters of sex. That is a sin against your own body in a way that no other sin is.

 

I Corinthians 7:1

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

⁸ Now to the unmarried^[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. ⁹ But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

Paul encourages us not to marry because he wants us to focus on our relationship with God, but then he also gives us God's permission that if we can't control our sexual desires then we should marry so that we may honor God in the act. God blesses marriages and blesses the need in a man and woman who express themselves sexually as a married couple.

You may think I am old school or not up with the times, but the truth is that when you add sex outside of marriage into your life you are adding a whole mess of problems. Potential STD's, diseases, pregnancy or pregnancy scares, hurt, confusion, and most of all disobedience of God. I am not saying sex is bad. I am not saying it is evil. I am saying it is a gift from God that was given to a husband and wife and what greater gift to give your future husband or wife than to be able to tell them "I had self control and respect for you enough to wait for you."

I am going to bring this part 1 to a conclusion.  I will do a part 2 to this series because next we need to talk about what happens if we have already made the decision to have sex outside of marriage. What next?

 

 

 

 

I'm back......

 



So it's been a while since I posted. Here's why.
I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and thought over what I want this blog to accomplish. Over the last 6 weeks there have been several negative attacks on my "Conservative" views and each time I came to blog I had to stop and erase everything I was saying because I will not use this as a venting post or to tear others down. That's not the purpose. The purpose is to get young girls and even women to start thinking on a more biblical view instead of being persuaded by the worlds view. So each time I went to blog and then erased I would have to go back to praying and hope that God would put in my heart the desire to speak the truth and to speak it in love.
I think we are there.







So here's the deal. I am not the smartest biblical scholar you will ever meet. I have so much more to learn, but I have 32 years of Christian knowledge and experience under my belt and I have an unbelievably strong desire to share my mistakes and concerns with Christian girls and women so that hopefully we can ban together and go against the worlds way of living. However I do not want to use this blog as a way for me to vent my STRONG dislike for all of the worlds lies, manipulation and dirty tactics it is using to push God further and further away from our lives. I don't want to use it as a platform to make anyone feel like they are a bad person or that they are getting in trouble. I want to use it as a tool to hopefully teach, encourage and show that being a Christian woman is not boring. I feel like we are in a battle for our souls and for our children's souls. We are fighting the most evil most manipulative competitor. The good news is we are fighting a battle in a war we have already won. As Christians even though we have already won, we are still required to fight for others and once we are to the point that we have what we need to get to heaven then it is time to start fighting for others. That's where I am. I am ready to fight to the end for others to realize what the devil is doing to our world and to get as many people as I can to go to heaven. It's about saving souls.









I think that was my intention and my hope when I first started this blog, but I tell you Satan has sent some of his BEST warriors at me since I started. See I have reached a point that I will not argue with people that have a different opinion as I do, there's not point. Once someone has made up their mind that they are right it's no use, but I will most definitely stand up for what I know is right and I want others to know what I think is right. I don't think as Christians we ever get fully prepared for what the devil is going to throw at us when we decide to stand up for what is right, and sometimes we have to step back and let God fight the battle for us because we cant. There were a couple of times I had to do that over the last 6 weeks. People will say more hurtful things and do more hurtful things to you when you stand up for what is right. You may even have other Christians tell you that you don't need to be as open with your opinions so that you don't upset anyone. Here's what I say. Jesus didn't nag. Jesus didn't go looking for fights. He didn't go around telling everyone they were going to hell because they didn't believe like he did. Jesus spoke the truth in love. Jesus stood up for what he knew was right and called people out on it. He didn't cower away and hide so that no one ever called him names or got upset with him. I think we need to stick with what Jesus did, he's a pretty good role model.





So I'm back! I have regrouped and remembered why it was I started this blog in the first place. For those that don't like my "Conservative" views feel free not to read what I write. This page isn't for you. I am not looking for a fight. For the rest I just want make a difference. There isn't much more reasoning behind this except for that.
Have a great day and see ya soon!!