Most of you teenagers may not know where my title is coming from, but some of the parents and grandparents do! One of Keith's favorite singers Willie Nelson sang that song "To all the girls I've loved before" which was originally sung by Albert Hammond. It's a song of a man reminiscing about all the women he has loved in his life. I heard it on the radio the other day and it got me to thinking about the guys that I dated in my life before Keith. My history of dating could only be described as "The good, the bad, and the ugly".
Growing up there are the different phases girls and guys go through. When we are younger we are "going together". Which I always heard parents say "And where are you going?" I remember my first official boyfriend. It was in 3rd grade, during the summer at the swimming pool. He asked me to "go with him" and I said yes. A couple of weeks later at the pool he sent a friend over to break up with me. I don't think it phased me too much since the only time we ever saw each other was at the pool. Then we grow into the "talking" phase. This hits about 7th grade. Oddly enough the same boy that asked me to "go with him" was the first boy I "talked" to. It lasted a little longer the 2nd time with sitting by each other at lunch, talking on the phone at night and hanging out on Friday nights at the HS football game. I think we "talked" for a couple of months and then we broke up. He later ended up being one of my closest friends through High School. Going into High School we have the "in between" phase. This is a little tricky, it's not as assuring as "going together" or "talking" because High School relationships start with flirting at the locker or hanging out in class. Then you talk on the phone a couple of times and text each other. Then you might hang out with a group of friends for a few weeks and THEN you might have a one on one date. This is where the hard part comes in. When do you become a couple? You never know and really you never talk about it. I think people just hang out until the first person has the nerve to call the other their boy or girlfriend. I know things are a little different today than they were when I was in HS because now you can make it "Facebook" official so that the other person knows! :) As we get into college the dating phase moves with us, but here again I think it is much more complicated. I went on several dates with a guy when I was a freshman in college. He would come hang out at my apartment and I would go hang out with him and his friends a lot, we talked on the phone all the time, and of course kissed. This went on for about 6 weeks and one night at a concert I bumped into him on a date with someone else. I was crushed, but he told a mutual friend "we were just friends."
I am not going to tell you that you shouldn't date and that you should wait for God to "bring you the one." I think dating can be a wonderful thing. And not necessarily from a romantic perspective. Sure there are A LOT of jerks out there. Let me say it again. There are A LOT of jerks out there, but there are also A LOT of good guys out there. I think dating is one of those instances in life that we live and learn. What I want to talk to you about though is:
Who are you dating? Why are you dating? And what do you expect to get out of it?
I know lots of Christian women tell you to keep your eye out for "the one" and "don't date someone unless you consider marrying them". And while those are good points, I think sometimes we confuse the meaning of "the one". I don't think God chooses one guy and intertwines your paths so that you absolutely positively end up with each other. I think God knows the one you are going to choose to spend your life with. There's a difference and therefore I don't think you need to be focused on "the one". I think you need to decide now what kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think you should pray for God to send you a man like that and then through your High School, college and young adult life seek out men that have the qualities you have been praying for.
I am thankful for the guys that impacted my life through dating because each one made me into the person I am today. That boy that dumped me at the pool became one of my closest friends in life and taught me how to love a friend. There isn't a memory in High School that doesn't have him in it and for that I am thankful! To the boy that hid our relationship, that took advantage of my liking him so much and that treated me unkind unless he wanted something. He taught me that I am worth more than he said I was. I learned that liking someone can make you a little crazy sometimes and that I want to make sure my daughter doesn't do the same. To the first boy I ever loved, the one that promised me the world and then took it out from under me by having other girlfriends over a year of our year and a half relationship, I learned God's love. I learned persistence. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't pray to God that he was the one and time after time God told me no. I learned the value of unanswered prayers and that God's plan is always greater than the one we have for ourselves. To the boy that walked into my life after I had decided to give up on guys altogether, he taught me friendship through a dating relationship. He taught me to believe in guys that love the Lord. He taught me that there are those guys out there and that I do deserve a "good guy". He was not "the one", but through him I learned what I was looking for in "the one" which led me to my "one". He was a wonderful friend to Keith and I both and ended up being a groomsman in our wedding and not long after found the love of his life. I am incredibly thankful for him and the role he played in my life and for his precious wife that makes him so happy! They are both still such special friends to us!
If I could tell you anything that I learned from dating it would be this.
Know your worth. Date and don't rule anyone out. That guy that may not seem your type may be exactly what you are looking for. Decide what you are looking for and then find it. Don't consume yourself with finding "the one". And if there are periods in your life where you aren't dating, take that time to focus on yourself. Focus on your qualities and your worth. Don't allow someone else to determine that for you. God set your worth when he sent his son to die on the cross for you and you don't need to let any guy decide you are less than that.
Have guy friends. You need them. They are the one's that will look out for you. I am so incredibly thankful for the guy friends I have had in life. My best guy friend in High School and college was my saving grace. For a long time he was the only one that didn't disappoint me. And he was a big football player so he was able to protect me from a lot of those jerks we were talking about earlier. He made me feel worthy. He was the one that told me the truth about the other guys! Guys are much less dramatic than girls! When I was at Magnolia Bible College, being one of the few girls there I had the opportunity to have some incredible guy friends that I love so much! ;)
Don't compromise your beliefs. If you have to tell a guy no more than once on ANYTHING (not just sex) then you need to walk away. A guy that isn't willing to respect your beliefs isn't worth your time. I don't think you have to ask yourself "would I marry him?", but ask yourself "would I marry someone like him?" If the answer is no then why waste your time? I don't think at 17 you should be consider marrying a specific person, but I think you should consider marrying a type of person.
Don't depend on a guy to make you feel special. This is the most important. I know for me if a guy liked me I felt like I was special and worth something. And that is SO NOT the place we need to be looking for those things. We need to be turning to our heavenly Father to make us feel those things. A guy that makes us feel that way is just icing on the cake. Our heavenly Father is the one that can make us feel like the princess we are because he will always make us feel that way. Even if you do find a guy that makes you feel that way, he will disappoint you. Of course he will because he is human. Humans will disappoint us and we can't expect that they won't. God will never disappoint us. He will always be there for us and do what is best for us. That doesn't mean that there won't be hardships in our life or that your heart won't get broken, but God will mend our heart and will do what's best for us.
I'm sure that your parents are praying for your future husband or wife and I think they should. I am already praying for whomever my children choose to spend their life with. Until then enjoy life's lessons and use them to better yourself. Learn early those that you need to walk away from and those that will enrich your life. They will all teach you something, the question is WHAT WILL IT BE?
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