I hear a lot of talk about bullying. Have we ever really stopped and thought about what kind of effect it has on other's self worth? These days you hear talk of cyber bullying, videoing bullying for YouTube, it's all about hurt and humiliation. Let's be honest, kids will be mean sometimes, but bullying has gone to a whole different level these days.
Bullying is seeking out whom we can devour......
I've never watched the movie Mean Girls with Lindsey Lohan, but have heard that it depicts a little bit of what can go on in a bullying relationship. That's what it is. A relationship. A bully looks for a person or people that they can degrade to make themselves feel better. Powerful. They prey on those they know will cower because they themselves are afraid. And bullying can happen at any age. True it is very present in our Jr. high and High schools, but they aren't the only ones. You find children dropping out of school, cutting and even committing suicide because of what they endure when they go to school or are around friends. Now it goes even further though because of the internet. Cyber bullying has become incredibly popular.
So what do we do? How do we know it's happening? What can be done?
First off let's begin teaching our children not to be the bully. Children learn from their parents how to treat other people. When we lived in OK there was a boy that went to school with my oldest. She would come home and say that he bullied her and several other kids at school. Come to find out we were told his mother would tell him to be mean to kids whose parents she didn't like. I don't think she didn't like me, we didn't know each other well and were friendly when we saw each other, but I think this child had been told for several years to be mean to kids his mom had an agenda with that eventually it became easier for him to be mean to lots of kids. We need to make sure that we are teaching our children to love everyone. To treat everyone with kindness and compassion. I know it is very easy for kids to look at someone different whether they be mentally handicap, physically handicap, live an alternative lifestyle or maybe a different ethnicity than we are and kids want to bully them. As parents we need to teach our children that even if someone is different from us, we are to love and cherish them.
How do we spot bullying?
I think it depends on the age. I think bullying begins around upper elementary school. This is when kids are old enough to get that they can feel power. This is around 3rd or 4th grade you begin to see the "Mean" mentality. I do believe that there are children that can develop it earlier, but for the most part I think it starts about this stage. Kids are bullied for the clothes they wear, the car they drive, the life they choose to live, etc. The bully has little or no control over their own life so they seek out someone that they can control. If they demean someone, call them names and make them feel bad they are in essence controlling someone else's feelings. This is a crucial stage for us to make sure that our children know how much we love them and how much God loves them. We can't protect them from what happens when they are not with us, but we can prepare them for what happens when they are not with us. Does your child understand their worth? Do they know that they are without a doubt the most valuable and miraculous thing you have ever done? Do they know that no matter what you will always love them and be there for them? Do you shower them with kisses and hugs and love each and every day? How often do you tell them about their heavenly Father? What he did for them? How priceless he thinks they are? I believe this is so important because a child that goes into the world knowing that they are a child of God's and that they are priceless will know how to protect themselves from a bully. Children that don't know these things are the one's that will most likely allow the bullying to have a long lasting effect.
In this day and age though bullying doesn't just happen on the playground. I love Facebook. I used to be the facebook queen, but I have withdrawn from facebook quite a bit over the last couple of years, I still like to post pictures and statuses and tag myself places, but not nearly as much as I used to. And I will be honest one of the biggest reasons is because of facebook drama. Have you ever noticed the bullies on Facebook? My daughter keeps asking me when she will be able to have a facebook account and I have told her on many occasions if I have my way not till she is 18 and no longer a child. Let's be honest for a minute. Kids have a hard time with maturity and knowing what to do on the internet. Now obviously you are supposed to be 13 to have a facebook account. If a parent thinks their child is mature enough to handle it at that age then who am I to tell you how to raise your child? I think if you do decide to let them have one at this point it should be closely monitored by you the parent. CLOSELY MONITORED. I believe until a child is 18 you have every right to be ALL UP IN THEIR BUSINESS! Now if a child is not 13 they have NO BUSINESS being on facebook. Sorry, I know it's the popular thing to do, I know we don't like to tell our kids no, but sometimes we have to decide to be the bad guy and say no. 1. Facebook doesn't allow you to set up an account if you tell them you were born after 2001. If a child is not 13 and has a facebook account either they have done it and you don't know about it, you have given your child permission to lie or you lied for them. If your child secretly has a facebook account then you need to be investigating. If you allowed them to lie or you did it for them then what kind of example is this setting for your child? It's ok to lie so that you can do something popular?
2. the younger a child is exposed to social media and the internet the easier it will be for them to be bullied or see things on the internet they should not be seeing.
I see internet bullies everyday. People will say bad things about other people on their statuses without saying their name. People will say mean things to other people on their wall. I am sorry, but that is bullying. When you say or do something intentionally to make another person feel bad you are bullying. Teenagers AND adults do it. Why would you want to expose your child to that any younger than you have to? And for those that say "I can't control what my teenager does"..... we need to talk. You can control what your teenager does and you should. And if they get out of control then you need to get the control back. And if that means that their uncontrollable ways cause them to loose their computer, their phone, their car, OR their social life then so be it. The only thing your child is entitled to from you is a pair of clean clothes, a toothbrush and 3 square meals a day. Other than that everything else is a luxery. Am I sounding harsh? Well here's the reality folks, this generation is one of entitlement. Whether they are given everything they ask for or they have nothing at all we have taught this generation a sense of entitlement and we need to take it back. And this is why so many stories come out about bullying. Entitlement is about control and control is about power. When we teach our kids to be respectful and compassionate to others we teach them to be upstanding adults. Kids won't tell you when they are being bullied so as parents we have to make sure we know what's going on to protect them. I don't mean stalk them or over protect them, I'm saying know what's going on in their life. Keep them from being bullied in your home and on your computer by knowing what they are doing. Kids, understand that it is your parents responsibility to know where you are and what you are doing because it is their job to make sure you make it through this life. And you are NOT an adult until you are 18 no matter how old you feel. The real world is tough. The real world is not so much fun if you aren't ready for it. So enjoy having your parents protect you, enjoy living in their home by their rules and enjoy being a kid because there will be days when you are older you will wish all that responsibility wasn't on you.
So what are you worth? Who determines your worth?
Well I believe we are PRICELESS. God, the creator of the universe and our heavenly Father gave up his son to die on the cross for our sins. Wow, think about it. He knows everything about you, he knows the number of hairs on your head, he knew your name before your parents decided on it. Parents, are you teaching your children their worth? Are you teaching them that no matter what others say or do to them that they are worth more than silver and gold? Kids are you prepared to walk into a lair of a bully and walk away without it affecting your self worth? I am not saying their words won't hurt you or that you won't be frustrated or sad, but will you know that when they say those things it's not really about you, but about them. They want power, control, they want to feel better about themselves. You are just the unlucky one to be in the path of their hunt. And when you walk away will you know that their opinion doesn't matter? Will you decide that in the end no matter what they say or do your heavenly Father thinks you are priceless?
What worth are you putting on yourself?
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