Let's talk about Sex..... Part 2







So in part 1 we talked about not having sex before marriage. In part 2 we are going to talk about what happens if we have already chosen to have sex before marriage. Can we be forgiven? Can we start over? Can we still be the person God wants us to be? Yes. Yes. Yes.
I always believe that a person can not teach what they do not know. Therefore I will tell you another story. Remember how I told you about my husband and how he saved himself for his wife even though he was never taught the importance of doing it because it was what God asked of us?

A week after we started dating I knew I was going to marry him. I knew with every fiber of my being and I also knew that if I was going to marry him I needed him to know everything about me. Even the bad. I remember calling him at 10:30 one night and telling him that I was driving the 30 miles to his house because I needed to talk to him. I remember the look on his face as he opened the door to this crazy girl that he had only been dating a week. I remember sitting on the couch in his living room and being scared to death that when he heard what I had to say that he would not want to be with me. I felt ashamed. I felt fear. I felt very lonely. We sat down and I looked at him. The first thing I told him was that I was going to marry him. I told him I knew from our first date that I would and now I needed him to know! I went on to tell him that I needed him to know something before we went any further because this could be a game changer and I couldn't bear to fall anymore in love with him if this made a difference. "I am not a virgin" I finally said as I cringed thinking I had just ruined it. That this amazing man would not want me because I had not saved myself for him. The next thing that came out of his mouth sealed the deal for me that I would marry him. He said "Have you had sex with someone this week? If not then it doesn't matter." I cried. I cried that big ugly cry.















So now that I have shared that story I will share my story.
I remember it being so important to me to wait. There were several opportunities that I could have given in and chose not to for reasons I explained in part 1. Yet, as humans, sometimes we give in when we feel we can fight the battle no more. For my own personal reasons I won't go into detail, but I do want you to know that I did have sex before I was married. 1 time. It was awful. I remember as soon as it was over, crying (the big ugly cry) because for so long I had told myself I would wait. Sometimes though the devil can use others to dig at us in areas that we feel strongest in and we cave. I take full responsibility in it. No one forced me. No one made me do it. I allowed him to convince me it was what I wanted and as soon as it was over I felt a guilt like I had never felt. At first I was sad. I cried for hours. Then the sadness turned to anger. I became angry at myself for allowing it to happen and I became angry with him for pressuring me. It wasn't sexy. It wasn't beautiful. It was awkward and painful. For months after I felt guilty. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I do believe however that God used that sin for good. It helped me to grow closer to God. I clinged to him because I knew that even when men disappoint you, God does not. I began to pray for forgiveness from God and from myself. I knew it would be easy for God to forgive me and I also knew it would be incredibly hard for me to forgive myself.  You see I think that is what is missing from a lot of youth these days. That desire to want to please God. Think about the person in the world you most want to please. Why is that not God? Isn't he the one we should strive to please? Don't you think if we lived in a world where everyone felt guilty when they sinned and strived to better please God we would live in a much better world?

I want you to know how hard it is for me to share that story. I knew when I started this blog I wanted to use it as a teaching tool and to help youth of today to strive to live more Christian lives. I also know that we make mistakes as humans and just like I think it is important that my children know I make mistakes and am not perfect, my youth group and other kids I teach need to know that I am not perfect. I've made mistakes just like your youth minister and parents. And we've learned from these mistakes and God uses us to try and help you not make the mistakes we made. Let's say though that you have already made this mistake. Where do you go from here?

First of all know God forgives you. He forgave you the very first time you asked for forgiveness.
Second of all you need to forgive yourself. This is the harder part. We tend to be the hardest on ourselves. You have to do it though. You will never learn to love others and forgive others if you don't first love and forgive yourself.
Third you need to strive to stay away from opportunities that will make it happen again. God is very clear on how he feels about sex. He believes it is only in the relationship of marriage. Not 2 people on a date, not 2 people dating, not 2 people living together, not 2 people who are married in the eyes of the state after living together for 7 years, not 3 or 4 or 8 or 12 people that decide they can't control themselves and need to have some fun. No matter how you justify it in your mind sex outside of marriage is wrong according to God and according to the Bible and if you are a Christian you need to be following those rules.

Think about it. Self control is connected to words like:
Self discipline
balance
constraint
stability





The opposite of self control is words like:
instability
wild
disoriented
unstable

Which list do you want to associate yourself with? You are not an animal. You are not naturally out of control. We are naturally programmed to want to please and honor God. It's in all of us because we were formed in his image. When we go against his word we are going against what is natural. Sin is not natural. Sin is a learned behavior. We live in a world that teaches us to give in to the desires of the flesh, but that's where self control comes in. Will we make mistakes? Absolutely. Can we be forgiven? Absolutely. We have to make sure though that we are working at making strides to be better. I heard a quote the other day that I loved. "The only person we need to try and be better than is the person we were yesterday."

When we make mistakes we repent and move on to do better. No matter if we've had sex once outside of marriage or if we have been in a relationship for 6 years having sex with the same person. It's still wrong. What are you doing to make yourself more of a child of God? Are you striving to be your best or are you giving in to the desires of the flesh? I pray that God will touch each heart of every person reading this that you will strive to be the best child of God that you can be and not sell yourself short. You are capable of having self control. You are capable of waiting. You are capable of being the person God wants you to be.
God Bless.

Let's talk about Sex...... part 1

 



Are you freaking out yet? Are you dying to know what this blog is about seeing the title?????
Well it's exactly what the title says. We are going to talk about sex. As I was trying to figure out what to do my next blog on I came across 8 different posts/articles in 24 hours that had to do with America and our tolerance with teen/unmarried sex. We are now being presented with articles on facebook and other social media that encourage us to be open to the idea of bringing our son or daughters date over for dinner with the family before allowing them to go up into the bedroom to have sex. Or we should be more like the Danish who have always been very forward thinking about sex in allowing their children to have their boyfriend or girlfriend over to spend the night so that they can have sex in a comfortable bed instead of "stuffy" Americans making their children hide and do it in the back of a car. Just a minute.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully parents are talking to their kids at a younger age about sex because honestly kids are so much younger learning about sex these days. I don't really remember my parents sitting me down and having a sex talk with me. I really don't remember ever talking to my parents about sex. I do however remember knowing that it was important that I wait until I was married because that was what God expected of me. It's ok to roll your eyes, because obviously that is about as close to the Christian answer as you can get, but it's the truth. It wasn't fear of getting pregnant or getting a disease, it wasn't disappointing my parents or getting my heart broken. It was simply that is what God told us to do.

 



I have already been talking to my 9 year old about sex. I had not planned on going into MAJOR detail until about 6 months ago when she came home from a friends house and said that her friend was doing things with her Barbie and Ken and that she wasn't sure what was going on. Her friend was a year older than she was, but I was shocked at the things that she told Anna Lois. She told her "Boys go crazy when girls take their clothes off slowly" among other things. That brought about a whole slew of questions I wasn't quite ready to answer, but was able to stumble through.  I have been telling her for a long time that sex is for a husband and wife that are MARRIED. I tell her that God tells us not to have sex unless we are MARRIED. I tell her that sex is a great thing for 2 people that are MARRIED. You see I don't want to be one of those parents that  tells my child that sex is bad or that you are going to hell if you have sex out of marriage. I want them to understand the importance of waiting because it is what God expects of us. And what gets under my skin is that we live in a world that thinks we are incapable of controlling ourselves and think it's unfair to ask us to only "be" with 1 person our entire lives. Like God told us to.

We are taught to have self control in LOTS of areas of our lives. If we don't control our eating we will get fat. If we don't control our desire of having more than we can afford we can go into debt or even go as far as becoming a thief. If we don't control our mouth we can say things we shouldn't say. If we don't control our anger we can hurt others. As parents we teach our children these things so that they don't end up in the hospital or in prison. Why if we expect our children to have control in these areas do we not think we can teach them control sexually? Why as a teenager can you control your eating so you can fit in that dress, or your mouth so you don't get into a fight, but can't control your sexual desires? Really... think about it. Now obviously society says that since I am a woman that I can't possibly understand how hard it is for a male to control himself because woman aren't as sexual as men. But just in case I have a boy or 2 reading this OR for girls to understand that boys can control themselves no matter what they may say let me tell you a story.



A young man grew up in home where he wasn't taken to church on a regular basis. The family went to church on Christmas and Easter and that was about it. He grew up in a home where his parents didn't talk about purity or waiting. When he graduated from High School he went into the army and was exposed to lots of drinking and women. When he got out of the army he dated some women as he attended college. On May 31st, 2003 he married his college sweetheart at the age of 24 and married her as a virgin. This man that had no reason to save himself. A man that wasn't brought up in a church or home that taught him the importance of saving himself for his wife because that is what God expected of him. He had no reason. Yet, he did. He saved himself for his wife. He had self control for 24 years and 54 days. I am extremely blessed because that man is my husband.  I tell you that story because I don't believe it's in our nature to have several sexual partners or that we can't control ourselves because my husband who was never taught sex was wrong before marriage..... WAITED.

So I decided to look up the definition of Sexual Immorality. Are you ready?
"The evil ascribed to sexual acts that violate social conventions."
Well if we are going on social conventions we are in big trouble because our society has no moral values when it comes to sex. Why don't we see what God has to say about it?

Galatians 5:16-
16So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
17For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. Or you do not do what you want.
18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

 

1 Corinthians 6:18 - 

Don't be immoral in matters of sex. That is a sin against your own body in a way that no other sin is.

 

I Corinthians 7:1

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

⁸ Now to the unmarried^[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. ⁹ But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

Paul encourages us not to marry because he wants us to focus on our relationship with God, but then he also gives us God's permission that if we can't control our sexual desires then we should marry so that we may honor God in the act. God blesses marriages and blesses the need in a man and woman who express themselves sexually as a married couple.

You may think I am old school or not up with the times, but the truth is that when you add sex outside of marriage into your life you are adding a whole mess of problems. Potential STD's, diseases, pregnancy or pregnancy scares, hurt, confusion, and most of all disobedience of God. I am not saying sex is bad. I am not saying it is evil. I am saying it is a gift from God that was given to a husband and wife and what greater gift to give your future husband or wife than to be able to tell them "I had self control and respect for you enough to wait for you."

I am going to bring this part 1 to a conclusion.  I will do a part 2 to this series because next we need to talk about what happens if we have already made the decision to have sex outside of marriage. What next?

 

 

 

 

I'm back......

 



So it's been a while since I posted. Here's why.
I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and thought over what I want this blog to accomplish. Over the last 6 weeks there have been several negative attacks on my "Conservative" views and each time I came to blog I had to stop and erase everything I was saying because I will not use this as a venting post or to tear others down. That's not the purpose. The purpose is to get young girls and even women to start thinking on a more biblical view instead of being persuaded by the worlds view. So each time I went to blog and then erased I would have to go back to praying and hope that God would put in my heart the desire to speak the truth and to speak it in love.
I think we are there.







So here's the deal. I am not the smartest biblical scholar you will ever meet. I have so much more to learn, but I have 32 years of Christian knowledge and experience under my belt and I have an unbelievably strong desire to share my mistakes and concerns with Christian girls and women so that hopefully we can ban together and go against the worlds way of living. However I do not want to use this blog as a way for me to vent my STRONG dislike for all of the worlds lies, manipulation and dirty tactics it is using to push God further and further away from our lives. I don't want to use it as a platform to make anyone feel like they are a bad person or that they are getting in trouble. I want to use it as a tool to hopefully teach, encourage and show that being a Christian woman is not boring. I feel like we are in a battle for our souls and for our children's souls. We are fighting the most evil most manipulative competitor. The good news is we are fighting a battle in a war we have already won. As Christians even though we have already won, we are still required to fight for others and once we are to the point that we have what we need to get to heaven then it is time to start fighting for others. That's where I am. I am ready to fight to the end for others to realize what the devil is doing to our world and to get as many people as I can to go to heaven. It's about saving souls.









I think that was my intention and my hope when I first started this blog, but I tell you Satan has sent some of his BEST warriors at me since I started. See I have reached a point that I will not argue with people that have a different opinion as I do, there's not point. Once someone has made up their mind that they are right it's no use, but I will most definitely stand up for what I know is right and I want others to know what I think is right. I don't think as Christians we ever get fully prepared for what the devil is going to throw at us when we decide to stand up for what is right, and sometimes we have to step back and let God fight the battle for us because we cant. There were a couple of times I had to do that over the last 6 weeks. People will say more hurtful things and do more hurtful things to you when you stand up for what is right. You may even have other Christians tell you that you don't need to be as open with your opinions so that you don't upset anyone. Here's what I say. Jesus didn't nag. Jesus didn't go looking for fights. He didn't go around telling everyone they were going to hell because they didn't believe like he did. Jesus spoke the truth in love. Jesus stood up for what he knew was right and called people out on it. He didn't cower away and hide so that no one ever called him names or got upset with him. I think we need to stick with what Jesus did, he's a pretty good role model.





So I'm back! I have regrouped and remembered why it was I started this blog in the first place. For those that don't like my "Conservative" views feel free not to read what I write. This page isn't for you. I am not looking for a fight. For the rest I just want make a difference. There isn't much more reasoning behind this except for that.
Have a great day and see ya soon!!

Not being the judgemental Christian........

So here's the deal. Christians have always in one way or another gotten a bad wrap. Mainly because there are those few that think they are the only ones going to heaven, or tell you all the bad things you are doing are sending you on a one way flight to hell or even that look they give when you walk up to them. I know I know, I have heard it all and seen even more. After 10 years of working in churches I will be the first to stand up and say "Yes there are some judgemental Christians." In saying that I think we need to step back as a society and look at our dictionary. In todays world we are so quick not to want to step on any toes or call anyone out that when a Christian does this society says "Who are you to judge?" Well I have had enough of the "judgemental" name calling and finger pointing. I am here to give you girls a lesson on the difference in being judgemental and sharing the gospel.
It's quite simple actually although society doesn't really see a difference. I feel like I have gotten pretty good at telling the difference from being not only in the church my whole life, but being in ministry. God gave us the duty as Chrisitians to "Go into the world and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."(Matthew 28:19-20)  God expects us to tell the world what his word says and to make sure that everyone we come in contact with knows what he says. Now at this moment our country is trying it's hardest to make sure Christians don't do that. They say we are "pushing our faith and religion". We definitely don't want to be pushy, but we do want to give the opportunity to everyone we come in contact with to hear what the Bible says.
Here's what I've learned. You will know pretty quickly who wants to hear what it says and who doesn't. And you can still have friendships and love those that don't want to hear it. There is a hope that your actions will one day strike a match and they will want what you have. I have dear friends that I don't talk about religion with because they have no desire to hear it. And that's ok. It's everyone's choice what they want in life and I will definitely not push them to where I may never have an influence on them. I hope that people see Christ in me by the way I live.

Back to the difference in sharing God's word and being judgemental. Let's just jump right into one of the hottest topics out there right now and one of the biggest examples of Christians being called judgemental.  Same sex marriage. I won't get into a big long spill of my opinion on this, I am sure I will blog on it soon, but the example still stands. I believe homosexuality is wrong. I believe that because God tells me in the bible it is. There is no way around it no matter how you want to spin it, no matter how you want to look at it God says it's wrong. In Romans 1 we read of the feelings that God felt with those who sinned by homosexuality. And I cringe each time I hear or see someone say "God doesn't feel the same way now because it's the 21st century". My God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Now notice I used a scripture from the New Testament. People will try to tell you that you can't use anything from the Old Testament to defend actions because it went out with the Old Law. While I believe that we should take lessons from both Testaments for "politically correct" reasons I will stick with the New! Now my point with all of this is this. For me it's pretty simple. Obey God's commands. As a Christian it's my responsibility to share his commands with all that I meet so that they have a chance to know the truth. Then it's up to them whether or not they follow it. If they decide not to follow it I will still love them, I will still be friends with them and care about them. That is what Christians should do. Being judegemental would be to tell someone I think they are a sinner, they are going straight to hell for what it is they are doing and tell them how awful of a person I think they are and never speak to them again.

That my friends is judgemental. And we don't have a right to do that. We don't have a right to call people names or to tell them how awful they are. We don't have a right to treat them any differently than you would a brother or sister in Christ. We do however have a right to make sure they know we don't agree with what they are doing and that we will always be there for them.
I have always been the kind of person that ran from confrontation. I literally get sick at the thought of having to deal with someone that may not like me or that has a problem with me. I just want everyone to like me! And I have always been the kind of person that was ok if you don't agree with what I have to say, but normally I just wouldn't say it if I knew it would upset someone. Over the last year I have risen above that. I don't go looking for fights or trying to stir up controversy, but in a world where we are covered in sin I have decided if nothing else people are going to know that I am a Chrisitian, I love God and I want to share his word. And if that offends someone I am not sorry!
I am offended when people say that I am judgemental or that I am not understanding or caring. I would have to strongly disagree. I try really hard to make sure I stay away from judgemental thoughts and that I make sure that no matter how much I disagree with someone that I love them and will always be there for them. I like to say "Don't mistake my compassion for acceptance."
As a Christian you can stand up for what you believe in and not be judgemental. It's a fine line, but with God's help you can do it.

 Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. Pray. and then pray some more that God gives you the heart, the courage and the mentality to be able to do it. Once you get the hang of it its easy and you will realize that you will make more of an impact than you ever thought possible.

You are not alone.... I am here with you

Good Morning!! It's been a couple of weeks and I apologize! It's been crazy at our house everything from sickness to a ER run, 2 kids at camp and a Daddy that went MIA so things are kind of settling back down and hopefully we can get back into our normal routine!
So I was thinking about this the last couple of weeks due to Keith going to camp last week and Anna Lois and Cale adventuring off to camp this week about how easy it can be to feel lonely! The last couple of weeks I haven't felt lonely, but it wasn't long ago that I did. After we moved to MS and Keith was gone all of the time I was with my kids by myself pretty much all the time. I had family in MS, but we all have our own lives and there wasn't much time for just hanging out. I felt very alone. I didn't have the comfort of close friendships like I had in Oklahoma, I didn't have the feeling of knowing I could go to someone and really open up about how I felt because I was home with my kids all the time by myself it became extremely lonely and frustrating. I remember just laying on my bed crying before Keith would leave for shift and telling him how sad I was. As you know though those 9 months were a pivotal point for me in my spiritual journey. It was because I didn't have anyone else to turn to that I turned to God. It was because I was so lonely and hurting that I turned to God. I began having a friendship with him that normally I would have had with another human being.


Have you ever felt that sense of lonliness? Have you ever felt that need to feel loved and understood? That's what I love about God! Among about a million other things he is always there! Have you ever stopped to think about that? He is always there, no matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, he is there! Now obviously this can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what you are doing, but for the sake of staying on subject this is an incredibly GOOD thing! I know sometimes it's hard to feel him, especially when we are going through a really tough time. I don't know what your tough times are specifically, but I know we all go through them and I know we struggle and we cry and we wonder why God allows us to feel so alone. Here's the thing. God doesn't let us feel alone. WE let us feel alone. We have to come to a point that we understand that no matter what is going on he is there and he will see us through and when we start to half way understand that concept we begin to feel his presense living in us.
What would happen if we stopped feeling sorry for ourselves, if we stopped throwing pity party for ourselves and we began to really focus on allowing God to take up residence in us? What would happen if when we began to feel lonely or depressed we stopped and turned to the one that can make it better? How do we do that? How do we allow him to take complete control over us and live in us? Here's a thought. We give up that control. Now you are talking to the mother of all control freaks. It's always been my motto to do it myself because someone else will mess it up! It's always been in my nature to control things because if I mess it up I can be mad at myself, if you mess it up I can't get mad at you! (another way of being in control!) How do we allow ourselves to give up control and begin to give it back to God?
1. Come to terms with your problem! Isn't that what they do in AA? The first step is acknowledging there is a problem? I had to do that in those 9 months. I had no control over what was going on in my life. I was so busy trying to make it what I wanted it to be that I forgot to include God in it. So when things spun out of control I don't know why I was so surprised. I remember going out in our driveway late one night, looking up in the sky and asking God to take control of my life back. I promised him I was going to stop fighting for it and I was giving it up to him. Whatever he wanted me to do, wherever he wanted me to go I was fine with that just as long as he was in control because I was tired of messing things up! Admit to God that you can't do it without him and then ask for him to take control back.
2. Listen. This is a hard one. We as humans would much rather give our opinion, tell someone what we think and run our mouth than to stop and listen to someone else. Sometimes we have so much chatter going on though we can't hear God. No wonder we think he isn't there. We won't shut up long enough to see if he is saying anything! And sometimes he speaks to us though actions! Those are the coolest things, but we have to be careful not to miss it because if we aren't paying attention we can miss what he is trying to say. Stop talking so much and stop and listen to what he is saying. You might actually get something out of it!
3. Spend intimate time with him. How often do we get mad at God for not being there for us when we need him, but it's been 8 months since we opened our bible or prayed to him? Let's be honest if you have a friendship with someone and you go 6 months without talking to them or coming in contact with them, do you feel that is a strong friendship? God wants us to make just as much as an effort when it comes to our relationship with him. Why are you not praying every single day? We have 24 hours in a day and most of the time it is filled with stuff that doesn't matter. Why isn't time put into the most important relationship you will ever have? We need to make sure that we are giving God the opportunity to fill us with his presence so that we don't feel that loneliness.

Earlier I talked about how last week while Keith was gone I didn't feel that loneliness. I missed him like crazy and with the eventful week it would have been nice if he had been here. I didn't have any family here to help with the kids when I had to go to the ER or once I got home. I do however have an amazing church family that helped when we were in need and I have an amazing heavenly Father that continually reminided me that it was going to be ok. I felt a peace that just made me know that no matter what life throws my way he is there and that he is always going to take care of me. It was because of that I had an incredibly great week and never felt alone!
I pray that as you continue on your spiritual journey that you will seek that intimate relationship with him and you will allow him to be there for you. I pray that you have an amazing week seeking God and that he blesses you more than you deserve!

Bra straps and Booty shorts....

So girls, lets get real. These days less is more. Especially with the weather heating up for summer girls everywhere are breaking out the bra straps and booty shorts. Since when was it a fashion trend to show your bra??? Well obviously it has been for a while now. With all the sexy lingerie Victoria Secret puts out it seems a waste for you to be the only one to see it so it only makes sense to find shirts that will show them right?????! Everywhere you turn whether you are at the mall, a ballgame or even CHURCH it's ok to wear a shirt that is obviously worn to show your bra straps. Here's the thing though. Is it ultimately wrong if we show our bra straps or wear the short shorts or the short dresses? They are just pieces of clothing right?!?!
What's your motivation?  What's the motivation behind showing the bra strap or too much leg or too much boob?!?! Let's be honest.  The motivation behind it is to draw attention to ourselves. The problem is the attention we call to ourselves when we wear the really tight low cut shirt or dress, or the really short shorts or the shorts with the writing across the rear end is the wrong kind of attention. We are calling focus to ourselves instead of calling focus to God. Have you ever thought about the fact that when you dress in an immodest way you are causing others to sin? And not only that, but you are causing yourself to sin as well.

Now of course it would be really easy to say "It's not my fault what they think about when they see me, I could have on overalls and a long sleeve t-shirt and they would still think those things about me." And you could be right. We've all heard women see with their heart and men see with their eyes. It's true. Men and boys can look at a woman or girl in stockings, a long dress and a bonnet and think dirty thoughts, but when you are dressing modestly and boys think those dirty thoughts that is on them not YOU! Now before you start freaking out because I said "Stockings, long dress and bonnet" in the same sentence with "modesty" don't think I expect that's what you should wear! :) Christian girls and women can dress modestly and stylish without giving in to the worlds opinion of "cute and trendy". Whatever happened to the old rule "hands to your sides"? When I was in school this was the way you measured if a girls shorts were too short. If her fingertips reached further than the material on the shorts they were too short. I don't believe that's long enough to be honest. I remember a few short girls I went to HS with that could get away with that rule really quickly! :) What's wrong with right above the knee? They aren't uncomfortable! Those shorts aren't made of a different fabric than the booty shorts. What is your motive behind showing more skin?..............

 

 

As Christians God has called us to be respectful not only of our brother's and sister's in Christ, but to ourselves as well. God wants us to present ourselves in a way that we show other's that He lives in us. He also calls us to be aware of our actions not causing others to sin. Can we help it if we have on jeans and a t-shirt and a guy looks our way and thinks dirty thoughts? No, but as long as when you got dressed that morning and didn't think "Will this attract attention from the guys I am around today" and instead you made an effort to dress as modestly as possible their thoughts are on them. They will answer for the things they are thinking.
I Corinthians 6:13 says "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body." On to verse 18 "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN; you were bought with a price therefore honor God with your body."
Now this verse can cover a whole lot of territory and don't worry in another blog we will talk about the act of sexual immorality, but this blog can help prevent some of that! When we as women (whether we are married or not) dress in a way that causes men to think ungodly thoughts about us we are causing them to sin. It's on us. There's no 2 ways around it girls. I know fashion trends are cute and fun, but most of the fashion trends these days are designed with one thing in mind. How sexy can I look? And when that is the thought that crosses your mind when you put on that dress or shorts or shirt or bathing suit then there is something wrong.

 

 

Oh we came so close! We almost got through the entire blog without talking about swimsuits!!!!! Sorry about your luck, but it's the last point. I'm just going to put it out there girls... you aren't going to like it in fact a lot of people may get really upset at what I am about to say, but here it goes.

There is no reason ANY Christian should wear a bikini.

Wait! What??? How did that get there? A picture of me. At the beach. In a 2 piece.
I actually did that on purpose! You can definitely call me a hypocrite or whatever you would like. That's ok. I can take it! Let me explain why I put this picture on here. Because my motivation behind wearing this swimsuit was NOT to glorify God. Did you catch that? Didn't even come close. My motivation behind wearing this 2 piece swimsuit in the summer of 2010 was because I had lost 75 lbs the prior 8 months. I worked my tail off. I ate right, I was at the gym everyday and I was proud of myself for losing the weight. So to celebrate I wanted to make myself feel better and have people look at me. Did you catch that? I wanted people to look at me. That was my motivation. Could I have worn a tankini or a 1 piece that covered more of my body and still been proud of what I had accomplished? OF COURSE! And I would have done it in a way that I was glorifying God. See girls it shouldn't be other people's approval that we need. It's taken me a good 32 years to learn that. I'll be honest it wasn't until 6 months ago after doing some major biblical study and talking to a Christian counselor about my issues with pleasing others I finally learned it doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks. Only what God thinks. His opinion is the only one that matters. Not your momma's, not your sister's and not your best friend. Do we like to have the approval of all of those people and more? Sure. It's nice to know that other's approve of us and think we are smart and beautiful. They aren't the one's that matter. In the end it's only His opinion that truly matters. And I would have dodged a lot of stress, a lot of heart ache and a whole lot of nights/days in tears had I learned that sooner. Our purpose in life is to glorify Him.  Our purpose in life is to make Him happy. And when we dress to please other's we are going against Him.

As Christian women/girls whether we are entering the point of dating, whether we have been dating for years and years or whether we are married the rule still applies to all of us. When we dress to call attention to ourselves we are going against God. God wants us to feel good about ourselves, He wants us to be happy with how we look, and He wants us to dress so that others may see HIM in us. When we take all of those things into consideration we will look GORGEOUS no matter what we are wearing because our heavenly Father will tell us so. As His daughters we deserve to know that the One on High is smiling down at what we are wearing and that He calls us beautiful. So next time you go to get dressed whether you are 12, 22, 32, 42 or older make sure you are wearing clothes that your heavenly Father will approve of not what will call the most attention to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keith and I celebrated 10 years of marriage on Friday!! It was a great day and we had a wonderful day as a family and then a much needed date night thanks to some wonderful friends who kept the kids! It got me to thinking about marriage and what it means to us as a society.
I love everything about Meadowview, but one of my favorite things we do is between 1st service and class we have a Sunday school opening where we come together as a congregation in the auditorium and sing a song, do the pledge of allegiance and then we celebrate the birthdays and anniversaries of members for the next week! This morning we had 2 couples go up and between them they had 94 years of marriage!!! Wow! I love talking to older couples and hearing how many years they have been married. Why do so many in my generation not make it past the dreaded "7 year itch"? What are we not teaching my generation, my daughter's generation and the generations after that causes us not to be able to make it?
I think the design of marriage is such an incredible design. God knew what He was doing. Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, "it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." God knew we wouldn't be perfect. He knew we would have wants and desires that we couldn't fulfill on our own. He loves us so much He provided a way to do that. After looking at all the creatures God had created He steps back and realizes that none were the right fit for Adam. So God put Adam to sleep and took one of his ribs. From his rib it says God brought her to Adam and goes on to say Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." He specifically designed women for men. I don't know about you, but I think it's pretty cool that I was designed specifically for my husband!
So what can I teach my daughter and the girls in my youth group to hopefully prepare them for their journey when they so choose to find the man God has picked out for her?

1. The first thing I can think of is to be a God fearing woman and look for a God fearing spiritual leader. My husband is definitely the spiritual leader in my house and that doesn't offend me in the slightest. Does that mean I let him walk all over me and treat me like I am less than him? No. It means that we discuss (and sometimes argue:) things and he knows my opinion, but in the end God made Keith the head of our household and he is the final say. Is that always easy? Absolutely not. If you were to ask him he would say I think I am right most of the time, but when I take that role of trying to be the head I am going against God and how He designed us. Ephesians 5:22 "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." There's that word that our generation has taken out of the dictionary and thrown in the garbage. Submit. I don't understand why that word scares so many people. It's almost that if you submit you are making yourself lower than that you are submitting to. And as women in this generation we are told not to let anyone be above us. Submitting is a sign of love and respect. It is not a bad thing. We are called to submit to God. To allow him to be the head of our life and our souls and just like we are called to love and respect God, we are called to love and respect our husband.

2. The second thing I would tell her is to marry a God loving man. When you marry a God loving man you are marrying a wife loving man. Does this mean he will continue to send you roses once a week or remember every birthday or anniversary or never say anything mean to you? No. Sorry girls, but most men are after the chase. They put their best foot forward when they are dating you to catch you and after you get married they've got you! Its in most men's nature! Keith was never a big romantic,but Keith has always been loving. Even when we are fighting and mad at each other. He loves me. I know this because over the last 10 years we have gone through things that most people would throw up their hands and walk away. I know because when I make a mistake he forgives me. I know because when he looks at me I see it in his eyes. My husband loves the Lord and in return the Lord puts the love he needs in his heart for me. A God loving man will not hit you continuously and tell you it's your fault. A God loving man will not seek other women over and over to fulfill the needs he should be getting fulfilled at home. A God loving man will not continuously neglect his family and put his needs before their own leaving them to fend for themselves. A God loving man will not rape his wife or make her do things she doesn't want to do for his own pleasure. A God loving man will respect his wife and do what's best for her and in return make her want to do the same for him. Does that mean that God loving men won't make mistakes? No. Notice I used the word "continuously or over and over." A God loving man may make a mistake, but he will make it better by changing to do God's will.

3. The third thing I will tell her is to make sure her relationship with God is what it should be before she has a relationship with a man. When I got to Magnolia Bible College I had no intentions of finding a husband. I had been in a long relationship with a guy until a couple months after I got there and we broke up.  My second semester there I started dating someone at the Bible College and he was a great guy (our joke was he was a much better friend than boyfriend). He was and still is a great friend to Keith and I (he was even a groomsman in our wedding!), and after we dated for several months and broke up I found myself craving a close relationship with God partly because that guy inspired me in his relationship with God. I had always been so focused on my relationships with boys that I never stopped to examine my most important relationship. I decided that I was going to focus on school and on my relationship with God and really work towards becoming a fulltime missionary. I came to a very hard reality that God may never want me to get married. That he may be sending me out into the mission field and he would be my partner. After several months of praying about that I finally became happy with that thought. I would be fulfilled if God's plan for me was to be single. 3 weeks later Keith asked me out for the first time. He's still pretty bitter about this story, but when he asked me out I told him no. In my mind I couldn't get distracted from the path I felt God was leading me and if I started dating him I felt like I would be. From the time he asked me out, through the summer that I spent in Lithuania I found myself thinking about Keith. I prayed for God to take him out of my mind and let me focus. And the funny thing was I was still focused. That was one of the best and most productive summers I had had in Lithuania, but I found the thought of Keith grew stronger and more often. It wasn't till I got home I realized that maybe God was allowing me to think about Keith because maybe God was giving me Keith. It wasn't until I had the kind of relationship with God that I needed that God gave me something that I had always wanted. My love.

Any marriage that doesn't have God at the foundation will never be the kind of marriage that God designed. God wants to be a part of the process of finding a husband and then he wants to be a part of the process of your life with your husband. These days marriage mentality is whoever you happen to like at the time can become your husband, but when times get tough you throw your hands in the air and say forget it. When we teach our daughters and young women the kind of men to look for (and they are out there) we are setting them up for success. When we allow the world to teach our children about marriage we are setting them up for failure. Take time to make sure you are teaching the young girls and maybe even some older girls the kind of qualities and standards they should have in a husband!